Hello 2008; Hello Blog; Hello Life

So the new year is here, and with it comes new resolutions toward how the new year will go, but all too well known as well are the regrets from the prior year.

So I'll cover the negative aspects first to get them out of the way... And because they are the ones always at the forefront of most people's minds (even if they deny it).

From mid-2006 through most of 2007, I was not a very happy person. I was displeased with the choices I was making. At the time, I felt like the victim and, to a certain extent, I still feel as though much of what happened was undeserved and not my fault. But I've come to realize that those times were times where I learned a lot about myself, my limitations, and life.

Then, I would look back at my life and feel regret and anger. Now, as I look back at my life so far, I realize that it all happened for a reason and has helped shape me to be the person I am today... And the person I will one day become.

I look at the four walls of my room and my head is filled with memories; both good and bad. Two of the walls are covered in posters and pictures of friends and family. While some of these images bring about the feel-good emotions of a Reese Witherspoon movie, others have connotations of melancholy. Ex-girlfriends, deceased relatives and friends, relationships gone awry... I leave these images up because this is my room; this is me - unabridged.

I am not going to attempt to remove memories from my life just because they were painful. These memories and experiences helped make me who I am, and I am definitely not interested in hiding that. Some of the pictures make me think about what things about myself that I have drastically changed after a certain... Shall we say... Drastic experiences. A few memories jump into the front row seats of my mind and others show up late and slink into the back.

I think of how easy it is to let the bad memories stay with you and write off the good ones. For this very reason, I do not remove the hurtful pictures from my walls. They have helped define me. And, over a certain period of time, I have learned to appreciate them... Enjoy them, even.

Regrets are like quicksand. If you spend too much time dwelling on them, you're pretty much fucked. So we'll move on the promise of a new year.

I have many expectations for this upcoming year, but I'll keep most of them to myself... I've found that the more I talk about something happening, the more disappointed I am if it doesn't. Those who know me well know the things I expect to see from myself... And from others.

Sometimes people get caught up on the idea of the New Year's Resolution. Not me. I prefer to have a New Year's Outlook. This year, my outlook has changed my perception of life in general. I've realized that indifference is overrated. And definitely not cool.

As cliche as it sounds, what is cool is being yourself. But what's not cliche is defining what that is. Don't play into the norm of what everyone else wants and expects of you. And realize that you may be doing just that if you read this and are smirking to yourself thinking, "Keever's a fucking tool." Figure out what you want and what you expect from life. You'll be surprised how many people you impress.

Hell, you might even impress yourself.

xO